April 4, 2013 2:38 pm
“Journal” she says. My friends tell me that too. “Journal your prayers” says one friend; “journal your logical and illogical thinking” says my therapist, “journal your emotions and thoughts” says another friend.
I have journaled all my life only to have my husband read them all privately in our home and then to use it against me to justify his indiscretions. A man he is not – a boy he is! As I ponder my situation daily, I realize how much a boy he still is – unwilling to communicate, unwilling to face his wrongdoings – yielding to girls half his age – yes, my husband is still a child trying to win the attention of his parents.
So journal what? My inability to keep a grasp on my life? my inability to express myself? I want to journal praise for how far I’ve come and to God for getting me here. Without him, I would be six-feet under ground so to speak and my children would be motherless. As for journaling all the other suggestions, not sure I want to devote that much time to it. It’s too hard to reread since I like to reread what I write in order to reflect. I like to find lessons, and in the last four years, I’ve discovered nothing about my life other than the fact that I stayed in this relationship too long.
In journaling, I have discovered that my life is not worth the time to write anymore. Not sure if this is pessimism speaking since I teach writing to other students. One day I will get back to journaling, but not right now.
Timing is Everything 
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